|Journeys: Bryn Davies|
|Date: October 6, 2001|
|My name is Bryn Davies. I am 52, male, and live in England. I "got knowlege" at the Palace of Peace (what a name! I should have noticed at the time) in 1974. I was a model premie in my own mind, and in the eyes of "the community" for 26 years until Harrogate 2000. In fact the rot had set in earlier, about ten years earlier upon reflection, and upon further reflection even earlier than that! But one never left room for doubt in ones mind in those days!
I remember seeing M at Barcelona, and Manchester, (1999?) and thinking to myself: "This guy looks and sounds distinctly dodgy". There was also a "Presentation" by Raja Ji, in Leeds, around that time in which I had to fight back the urge to laugh out loud at the sheer ludicrousness of what was going down; the unspoken sub-texts and "hidden" agendas, the tacit assumptions! Walking out after that "event", I caught the eye of a friend and read in it the same unspoken admission that was going through my mind: "Fuck this. We're being HAD. Time for a re-think".
Same sort of thing happened as I left the hall in Harrogate. A very clear thought formed in me: "I'm afraid "phase two" is going to have to go ahead without me!". Maharaji had come across as tacky, philistine, ( I cant think of another word for this), manipulative and bored. So I just "walked" - and thank god. What a relief!
I could go on. With the benefit of hindsight there are many moments when the need to evaluate arose, but there was never any arena in which to express the ideas and perceptions. Consequently there was no language available with which to evaluate and evolve coherent paths of thought on what was taking place. I just went back to the solitary business of "satchitanand" and trusting "that connection".
Thanks to the internet, and the written contributions of a cross section of people who had shared the common experience of "being a premie", I began to evolve the language required for the examination of " this knowlege" and my relationship with it and "the Master". I reflected, and I did not like what I found in myself. I ventured to discuss with others the feelings and discoveries about myself I had made. It was not easy. I had a short period of direct professional counselling on the matter, in which the counsellor, (a "mainsream" NHS (state health service) pro.) observed that my mind-set had a lot in common with their long-term prisoner patients, and also military personel discharged unwillingly into society!
Anyway it all turned out alright and it is becoming possible to communucate openly and clearly on all aspects of my intentions, "this knowlege", "that place", "the Master? Speaker? filament? Lord of the Universe? Successful investor? Saviour of mankind? Satguru? etc. I am now doing a degree in Theology and Religious Studies, with a view to combining my life interests of performance, therapy and God. Hurrah!