gerry -:- ****Best OF**** nomination -:- Mon, Aug 27, 2001 at 12:37:37 (EDT)

__ Deborah -:- Re: ****Best OF**** nomination -:- Mon, Aug 27, 2001 at 14:10:28 (EDT)

__ Jim -:- Yeah, you got it right, alright, Anth -:- Mon, Aug 27, 2001 at 12:42:14 (EDT)

Date: Mon, Aug 27, 2001 at 12:37:37 (EDT)
From: gerry
Email: None
To: All
Subject: ****Best OF**** nomination

this is Anth's succinct and (of course) funny essay from Lifes Great (sic.)

Getting caught in a cult.

Premies say, “You get knowledge of your own free will.” But this is not really true. There’s a large amount of persuasion and conditioning that takes place before hand. By the time you get to the knowledge session, you’re already a believer.

The process is like one of those large, funnel shaped nets, that’s dragged along by a trawler. The further down the funnel you go, the more intense it gets, and finally, at the end, is the cult initiation ceremony, called a ‘knowledge session’, designed to flop you out the other end, on a cold table, where the master stands with his fish knife, ready to liberate you.

The funnel is there to make sure that, when you show up for the initiation ceremony, you are already a believer. It filters people out until only the faithful remain at the end. It works something like this:

1. A cult member gets a friend, colleague, or family member to come along to a special ‘introductory video’. Most people sniff ‘cult’ even at this early stage, and decline the offer.

2. Those who go to the video, are attending an event which is specifically designed to lure them further into the tunnel. Usually cult members, who are renowned for scaring new people away with their guru worshipping diatribe, are kept away from these events, unless they are bringing in fresh cannon fodder.

3. The next stage down the funnel is to attend a few more ‘introductory videos’, and get softened up for stage 4, the ‘instructor’.

4. When you get the idea that ‘knowledge’ is ‘an inner experience’, and Maharaji is the ‘giver’ or ‘teacher’, you’re ready to meet an instructor. These characters have been around since the cult came West in the late 60s, and have been called by different names- ‘mahatmas’, ‘initiators’, ‘instructors’, and, in the new ‘EST’ style fad that the cult seems to be entering, will probably be called ‘facilitators’, or ‘consciousness managers’ or something. Anyway, a ‘cult priest’ will interview you, and decide if you’ve been softened up enough to invite you along to a private session.

5. The private session takes place in a small, comfortable environment. The cult priest grills you, shows you a video, answers questions and determines if you are ‘ready for knowledge’, ie, ready to be initiated into the cult. Basically this means accepting that the meditation techniques you will be shown are an experience of ‘inner truth’, ‘your lifeforce’, or whatever way you feel most comfortable describing what religious folk call the ‘spirit’, or ‘soul’. (There has been a strong move away from ‘spiritual terminology’ within the cult, for the past few years.)

It also means accepting that Maharaji is the only teacher who can show you this ‘inner truth’, or ‘knowledge’.

When you’ve swallowed these two spoons of medecine (‘knowledge’ is ‘inner truth’, Maharaji is the one and only master of it.), then you’re ready for the next stage in the tunnel.

6. The ‘knowledge selection session’, is the final process before initiation into the cult. If you ‘pass’ the selection process (because by now, you should be hungry for truth and hungry to become a follower of Maharaji), you go through to the ‘knowledge session’, where you declare there is no other Master than Maharaji, and you understand that what you are about to experience is ‘precious inner peace, lifeforce etc’. Another fat fish, ready for the plate.

7. Finally of course, there is the ‘knowledge session’, where you are shown the techniques and made a member of the cult. After that, you can go to special meetings for cult members only, practice the meditation every morning and fill out a standing order. Welcome to ‘Guruworld’, where the only position in the organisation is prostrate before the master.

It’s not always as I’ve described. Once the priests did the initiation, now they select and Maharaji does, mass initiation sessions himself. The packaging is always changing, and premies will always tell you, ‘Yes, indeed, it did used to be crazy. But it’s all changed now. They’re called ‘facilitators’, not ‘instructors’, he’s called a ‘teacher’ not a ‘guru’, it’s not called ‘a knowledge session’, it’s a ‘consciousness seminar’, ‘…or whatever.

Basically, it’s designed to get you flat on the slab, ready for gutting. Your freewill, discrimination, morals, and of course your cash, will all be removed, then it’s into the freezer for a few years premie-ji, until an Ex’ comes along and pulls the plug, so you can thaw out. Or maybe the electricity fails, and you melt naturally. Luckily, like in ancient Egypt, your vital organs have been preserved in jars, and function as good as new, when restored.

Did I get it right guys?

Anth the Fish Finger.

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Date: Mon, Aug 27, 2001 at 14:10:28 (EDT)
From: Deborah
Email: None
To: gerry
Subject: Re: ****Best OF**** nomination

That's pretty darn good. Think I'll print that one out and file it.

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Date: Mon, Aug 27, 2001 at 12:42:14 (EDT)
From: Jim
Email: None
To: gerry
Subject: Yeah, you got it right, alright, Anth

Although don't you think it should be 'Anth the Fillet of Soul'?

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