The Real Historic Dialogue
Between Sarupanand and Hans
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Date: Mon, Jul 24, 2000 at 20:29:08 (GMT)
From: Michael
Email: None
To: Shroomananda
Subject: 'The REAL Historic Dialogue'

Well, I know that this is just one amazing find, but I have managed to discover the actual ‘historic dialogue’ between those incredibly holy and saintly barefoot, dhoti-clad, God realized fellows, Sarupanand-ji Maharaj and the big Kahuna, Hans-ji Maharaj.

Sarupanand Ji Maharaj: Hans-ji, how are things?

Hans Ji Mahara: Fair to middlin’. And you, how’s it going?

Sarupanand Ji Maharaj: Okay, been shopping for devotees. How’s the wife and kids?

Hans-ji Maharaj: Well, Satpal needs glasses, but that little Prempal, what a cut-up! He loves to tell everyone what to do. Oh, wait, I don’t have any kids yet; must be my amazing psychic abilities kicking in again!

Sarupanand Ji Maharaj: Have you any interest in religion?

Hans Ji Maharaj: Yes, I am very much interested in religion, especially as a possible money making venture. I want to realize the Truth but I do have a family to support. But I don’t believe in false gurus and rituals. Swami Dayanand has influenced me greatly. I have read the Upanishads and the Gita. The Ramayama too is read in my family. But I like the Upanishads very much. And some stuff by that Ramakrishna fellow; very droll.

Sarup: Do you think god can be realized by studying the scriptures?

Hans: No, no, one has to acquire mental concentration and practice meditation. One should perform yama and niyama and then seek to attain samadhi which is a state of perfect realization.

Sarup: What type of meditation do you practice?

Hans: I perform havan and sandhya, and meditate on “Om”. Also, I find that I can get pretty close to the Divine Light when I have a stroganoff made from these mushrooms here.

Sarup: What would you say if I told you I can teach you some techniques which will really amaze the hayseeds and will eventually bring in some big bucks, if not for you, at least for your heir?

Hans: Frankly speaking, your talk is quite stimulating, and I feel there is something very important which I know not in spite of my knowledge of the scriptures. I have not had so far any flash of intuition.

Sarup: What?

Hans: I mean, yeah, I’m interested.

Sarup: It is good that you speak the truth. Only a truthful person with a guileless heart can visualize the self effulgent Being in the cavity of his heart. Have you ever tried to focus your mind on this Supreme Being which is called Bhargo in the Vedas, Jyoti in the Upanishads, YHWH in the Hebrew Scriptures, and Bob in the Book of the Subgenius?

Hans: No, I had some strange visions of light in my early childhood, usually when I rubbed my eyes, but now I don’t have any.

Sarup: You are a great soul with a large fund of good samskaras of previous lives, but you need a large trust fund for that future family of yours. You need only a spark and a few rupees. But what is the fun of repeating Ram-Ram, or Om-Om, Shubba-shubba, or Rama-lama ding-dong if it doesn’t pay?

Hans: Keep talking; I ‘m listening...

Sarup: Has not the study of the scriptures enabled you to know it? If, however, it cannot be known through the scriptures alone, then what is the right way to achieve it? Look, let me show you this stuff; if you like it, fine; if it doesn't’ t work, forget the rest.

Hans: May be by the grace of god, because the Upanishads say that He reveals himself to one whom He chooses!

Sarup: What? Will you keep focused? Get with the program, Hans. Say, isn’t that a German name?

Hans: Sorry.

Sarup: That’s more like it. Well first you do this.....

(Sarup initiates Hans in the mystical techniques which are now called Knowledge. Sarup squeezes Han’s eyeballs to see the Divine Light, has him stick his thumbs in his ears to hear the Divine Music, tells him to be aware of his breath to experience the Word, and then shows him how to stick his tongue up past his uvula to drink of that fountain of divine nectar.)

Sarup: Whadda ya think? Pretty cool, huh?

Hans: Well, I think you had your finger in my eye. And that tongue thing; ‘sup wid dat?

Sarup: That is a minor matter. What is relevant is to convince people that this is the true knowledge. Once you convince folks that they got it from a real teacher, they will naturally develop a reverence and love for you and give you anything you ask for. I’m telling you, it’s a gold mine!!

Hans: But what if they think these techniques are goofy? I’m mean, stick your thumbs in your ears? And that tongue thing....

Sarup: How can you say that god’s grace is not with you? He has given you the human frame which is the gateway to liberation. And i have given you a sure-fire technique which will keep the rubes coming for years! Have you not read in the Upanishads that this knowledge can only be attained through a spiritual teacher, that is, a realized soul? Have you approached any such teacher? Of course you have, me!!!! And now I’ve taught you this and you can make a family business of the whole thing.

Hans: No, I do not trust the gurus, and I believe that only god can be the best guru of the aspirant.

Sarup: You dipshit, if you don’t trust gurus, what the hell are you doing here? Come on, everybody knows you want to be a guru yourself; you’re not fooling anyone. According to our scriptures, one can get this knowledge only from a realized soul and not by any other means. You came to me, I gave it to you, and you can pass it on and make some serious cash.

Hans: I am not averse to approaching a guru in pursuit of knowledge, but I cannot worship him as god in the way most of the gurus are fond of being worshipped.

Sarup: Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, Hans. Besides, now they are going to be worshiping you, ya big galoot! Just think, every November, “Hans Jayanti”, and every Summer, “Guru Puja” with big honking posters of your beaming face.

Hans: Well, when you put it that way, it IS appealing...

Sarup: Yes, it is. So, whadda ya think? You in on this deal?

Hans: Of course, I shall practice it with all the sincerity and perseverance at my command. My longing for the Truth has grown so intense that it cannot any longer be restrained until it is fulfilled.

Sarup: What?

Hans: Count me in!!!!

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